Not again!

I feel like I'm playing a deadly game of ping pong flu with the people around me or something.

Thankfully it didn't affect my playing yesterday. But I really couldn't stay for the activities after church so that sucked.

It really sucks because I've been feeling shitty since wed and this has completely ruined my running program.

Allen says that the dark brown phlegm that I cough/sneeze out means that its quite bad.

I just want this to pass asap.

right o, yes milord?

Its with a huge feeling of relief and satisfaction that almost all the tracks for the Alice musical is finished. November musical tracks are halfway done, and in about 2 weeks time I will have wrapped these two big projects up at long last.

Listening back to each of the tracks, it really is amazing how each of them came together. The songs for Alice was a major milestone for me to see just how much music I could write in such a short time, and thankfully I may be able to pull this off.

Ruby wants to do Narnia next year. That's gonna be so fun. She cried when she heard the final bridge of music before the finale that I've written to sum up the journey of the lonely rebellious protagonist. All the emotion in the melody and significance of how the answer call and reactive melodies and harmonies are used symbolizes just how much she has been through.

In a way it gives me satisfaction to see people react to my music in such a way. I'm not a sadist, its just that I can never feel my own music to the extent that other people would. Only by the reactions of others can I understand what I am supposed to feel.

Its sad, but in a way its what keeps me going. Like a runner that always wants to get faster, or someone who wants to get stronger, he has reason to train. So too is it for me that I can never experience what I want to portray in my own work, that I will continue to write and chase that illusive emotion.


Very soon, I'll be working on the soundtrack for the next big thing in facebook, the first animated turn based mmorpg - Battle Stations.

I can't wait to start :)

HAH???!?!!

Aftermath of running 2 X 6km followed by dancing for 4 hours = painful calves.

Phuture was painfully crowded.

The poor lighting makes people look better at times. It also makes it harder to make out some features or characteristics which would usually be used to tell guy/gal apart, especially if said individual has had a sex change operation.

Yuck.

Sometimes you can just sense it, thankfully. Darren's camera confirmed it, praise be to mother theresa that I ran away.

I can respect whatever kind of personal liberation one would get from being a transsexual or something, I can respect that individual as a person, but getting hit on by one just gives me the eepie jeebies.

I also get really worried when people lean over and try to scream to talk to you.

You know when the music's so loud, then your friend tries to talk to you by raising his/her voice.

But you can't hear, cause the music's too loud, so you scream "HUH?!"

So your friend then goes right up to you, and takes a deep breath before screaming and slowly enunciating each word out carefully, louder than 25 1 metre super monitor speakers can dish out nonsensical heavy-booming treble-piercing noise for 800 plus people, gently massaging your inner ear drums with his/her gentle voice.

And people wonder why their ears ring...

Every time someone does that, a cute kitty dies.

Save the kitties.

Use hand signs or your phone.

Decisive precise shopping operation

Some uni students are so over-burdened with homework, they have to do their homework in the middle of a dimsum buffet lunch with friends.


Browsed around Peninsula plaza after that while Gab went to look for his camera. Alot of really interesting shops. There was one that sold magical reagants, like... frankincense, devil's shoe lace and all sorts of weird herbs for charms. Jia ming was exceptionally amused by the satanic-rock music/clothes shop.

But what caught my attention was this:


Its a performance keyboard. It would so rock to perform with this, but the price tag was insane.



Went to shop around ann siang hill/road after that. One thing I hate about shopping there is that unlike town, there's no air con from shop to shop. Nordic, Venue, Asylum and Front Row are pretty worth the effort, though. Especially that one shop that shifted and is hidden so well that I had to backtrack twice to find the damned place while Jasline, Minghui and the rest chilled somewhere for a drink. They think I'm too serious when it comes to shopping... but I see it more as mission based. Gather recon on all op points before establishing the overall mission plan is vital before you swoop in for the kill. Anyway the staff were helpful too, helped me pick out a nice shirt.


Okay, behind schedule again, back to work.

Assholes

Today on the way back I was reminded of a certain senior warrant officer who tried to cause me some trouble back during my ns days.

lol I can say BACK DURING MY NS DAYS... ORD LOH.

Though I never really could find much joy on my ord day.... cause I wasn't really in camp much anyway.


Enough digressing....

You know that type, the asshole who hates to smile, gives you and your friends condescending looks, loves handing out extras and being anal about disciplinary issues.


I can appreciate what he did for the guys in camp on some level, because there had to be law, it is the army afterall, and someone had to be the bad guy while the rest played the politically correct guy.

He annoyed me because even the commander an ltc, and all the lt. col and maj.s under him whom I worked with knew to give the right amount of respect, which was duly reciprocated. But this guy.... all he seemed to want to do was to find something... anything to mar my perfect record.

He did almost get me, once. But ironically it was his superior whom I had helped out before whom let me know in advance. That's why its better to be the nice guy - people would rather help you than help an asshole.

But all is fair in the system. As he used it to try to get to me, I eventually learned to use it to put myself well out of his reach.

I guess thats one of the few good feelings I have from ord'ing. Being one of the few to ord in my camp with 0 extras. The letters were nice too.

In a way if he didn't try what he did, I would have never understood the system to the point that I did and may have ended up screwing something up in the end.

What makes such people tick? Misery loves company. Perhaps their lives are so miserable they feel better sharing it? or maybe its just for fun, I dunno. Some motivations are implausible.

Whats important is staying above them.

WE GONNA GRAB THAT oMGWTflol

DONT THIS MAKE A NIGGA WANNA
DONT THIS MAKE A NIGGA WANNA
DONT THIS MAKE A NIGGA WANNA

WE GONNA GRAB THAT
WE GONNA GRAB THAT
WE GONNA GRAB THAT
WE GONNA GRAB THAT!!!

Omg its true that some music makes you stupider.

It truly is a travesty when stupid people are allowed to make music and infect other people with their stupidity.

Familiar grounds

When I saw that mrt station something inside me just sank. I didn't know why at first, nor why it was so familiar. I thought my only memories of that place were from the race before, but that couldn't be the case, we alighted at the other station, and crossed the bridge, none of which were in that path.

Give a rower a paddle and he will feel like rowing, make him touch a pullup bar and he'll want to go up.

Muscle memory is a fascinating thing.

>:|

Erh.... not sure how to recap last night's outing with the nteam guys.


I wasn't drunk... though I can't quite remember alot of parts of it.

The girls at phuture are scary.

It's not often you see eyes like that on a girl. Dangerous. He's really better off as friends.


Yeah. And errr... Sherwyn's ridiculously good at SUPER HD PUZZLE FIGHTER for the ps3.... which would be admirable if it weren't a godamn gu niang char boh game. He's good at resistance too which is good, Darren is still awesome because he can move and kill by moving around with the right stick and not aiming the crosshair with the left stick.

Justin's the type to talk big about a dare but end up not doing it.

Alvin's like the other Alvin... both can get high without alcohol.

Clement is the exact opposite.

Sebas is the type that sweat like a pig just swaying around.

Allen and Chee are phuture prowlers hahaha.

Kelward's english is reflected on his dressing.

Jem is scared of girls.

Where the hell was Stan?

Ugh I can't remember who else went.


Aftermath of the night is not being able to formulate thoughts properly to be logged down.

Sleep.

vs reu

4:47pm

This is the first entry on my phone. Just finished exporting tracks for transfer to the studio where we'll be recording in 20 minutes time. After which i'll be rushing down to training.

I had a dream last night. Many times my subconscious has a way of talking down to myself in my dreams. Through all that happened in it the message was clear. I wish i was wrong about the interpretation, but i psycho-analyze myself too well and as much as i don't agree with that side of me, he's often right.

Could it have been a miscalculation on my part? Did i overestimate them? Nothing is forever. But do they really think they can find this elsewhere? I just smiled at those who left the team and talk shit about it. I know they never really got it. I just feel sorry for them because they never did. But the one thing that part of me was right about was that i never did enjoy playing a long game twice. Nevertheless now is the most crucial period. Now is when those who can still stand strong must do so for those who cannot. I don't want him to be right.

9:33pm

Well its 930pm now, finally finished recording and am finally going home. Really went overtime tonight but we had to get those songs recorded by tonight. It really really sucks that I had to mis training because of this but studio time costs money, getting singers costs money and deadlines are poking us in the ass.

Sometimes its stressful trying to set deadlines while maintaining a constant state of relaxation for the music to come to me. Sometimes i over do it and end up sleeping or watching one more episode of anime wasting valuable time.

I want to play heavenly sword on my ps3 but i just know it will be so hard to pull myself away from it. The stress i face in work is some kind of complicated complacent stress, not the in-your-face kind of stress.

Nowadays when I tell people of what I do, and the projects that I'm working on and clients I'm working with they stare at me in disbelief. Just telling people that you are a music composer will raise people's eyebrows.

Questions like "how did you start?" "can make enough?" "how do you find clients?" or "how do people find you?" come up. I wonder if these are the questions they ask themselves and end up being the reason why they never try to pursue their dream job - because they can not find the right solution to the most critical things.

Approach to life are the same in the most critical and fundamental aspects though they appear to be deceivingly different. There are no double standards, no exceptions. Your approach to studies, to army life, to sports, to work are all related. If you can't find the solutions and are caught in the web of convention in one of these, don't expect to break out of it.

Power down.

Blackout for most of the day today. Sucks.

I swear I spent like 30 minutes walking back and forth from my room to the kitchen over and over again thinking of what to do before going to gym.

Can't facebook, can't battle stations, can't dota, can't work on music, can't check emails, can't play piano, can't watch tv, can't play ps3, wtf yes I'm a closeted nerd though I don't look like one.

Mom's scary, she can cook rice with just fire. Its like something out of survivor or something. I think I'm too dependent on the rice cooker, or electricity for that matter.

Went to Nexgen's industrial gathering on friday evening. Made me realize jut how small the gaming industry is in Singapore. Even more weird that none of my previous course mates from game design are in the industry yet. Either ran off elsewhere or are still studying somehow. So now I'm working with my previous lecturers and etc, sorta like I jumped grade which is cool because previously I would submit assignments late just to go for training.

After that team Tyler went to SMU to play DOTA. It really is quite scary playing dota with game designers sometimes. Some are so meticulous about gameplay mechanics you just don't want to be in the same lane as them when you are in opposite teams. Even more scary was the occasional student around campus still working on some project.


........
Hope this weekend's race will go better.

Let tomorrow never come

Today's race was the most exciting in a long time to say the least, in the way that it was quite dramatic.

Though it sucks like the feeling that you know that you got an A on the exam, but ended up getting a C because you were looking at the wrong question numbers or something.

We got the best timing. Sometimes the end of the dream that we want isn't as important as the dream itself.

I hope that the dream will not end tomorrow.

The power to change things is too far away for us. I don't know how many will still be around for it. How nice it would be to have the equipment and training methodologies that will bring us to world class status come right here right now. But all big changes take time. Even more so when you are trying to build a fund for those big changes.

Every team was a simulation to bug test a few aspects of the program. The one that I know will work for our guys in our situations and lifestyles. There's no point trying to train like the overseas teams. The way most of them do is quite primitive in comparison.

I just don't know if these guys will be around for that day when we'll finally stand proud.

There are many in it who have grown so much, who really know what it means to be in a team.

Thats the beauty of the sport, it helps people grow and learn so much.

That big headed junior whom I led around and taught how to gym and trained with is still searching for that one thing, but he now knows that he doesn't have to search alone.

The bug teethed senior who only wanted to prove himself now knows how to take care of his juniors and sacrifice things for his team mates.

That quiet crazy guy who just trained like a madman and shut up now knows what to say to his team and understands them beyond the point of having to use force or emotion.

That easy going, happy go lucky guy now knows how to serious up and commit emotionally to a situation that he sets his mind on.

That big ogre who didn't dare push himself far now has overcome is internal obstacles and in so doing overcome his greatest obstacles.

The one who was always overcome by his emotions who was stopped by barriers set by someone to overcome to make him stronger now is aware of and control those emotions, and he is beginning to see those barriers for what they are.

There are still so many who are at the beginning stages.

So many who have yet to realize what they are capable of.





Will it be here or elsewhere?

We the victims of Singapore

A familiar word today at the meeting made me realize how different things are now from last time.

9 years ago I remember what it was like being under the Spex 2000 and eventually spex 21 schemes.

We were identified as high performance athletes, the talented in our sport out of the multitude.

I remember the privileges, schemes and programs for us. The top coaches flown specially from overseas to provide us with new insight on training, technique, methods and psyche. The cluster training programs, the combined training programs.

We looked at each other in reverence for just making the team. All of us knew what was expected out of all it, but it was never about national pride or representing the country, we were taught to just take one fight at a time, and constantly improve ourselves no matter what.

We didn't have to worry about anything other than that, because a solid system was set out specifically for the optimal development of us, the athletes.

Today the sport is so different, the support is also so different.

Although I do agree that most of it back then we felt was quite unnecessary, some programs did in fact help a lot. Screw the money and training facilities crap. So what if they payed our school fees back then? Government already subsidizes so much. We didn't need fancy facilities or nutrition or psychology nonsense.

Its support in the form of training programs, cluster training programs, overseas training programs, exposure to other team trainings and coaches that the committee can help with.

Some of the guys think that its about the money for all of them. Maybe it is for one, and he managed to pull off alot of nonsense behind their backs, but the new guy has done one thing right in such short amount of time. He's managed to get the Major's proactive support at last to take a seat in the committee. Can't blame the guys, since every cent matters to them so much at the moment, but for the new committee, I highly doubt that an extra couple hundred a month would even tickle their fancy.

Its weird finally meeting one of the founding legends of the sport at last. Hearing of all he's done, I can't help but be skeptical of him. But hearing him out today makes me wonder if it really is possible for him to be all that he's made out to be. Although something about him is off.

Money is the least of evils for some people. We'll just have to wait and see.

Regardless, everything possible has been laid out for the team already. Everything we need is here at last.

The rest is up to us from here. In terms of chances and support, we are far more fortunate than 2 years ago. But I wonder how many will give up the victim's mentality?



Sidenote:

What's really amazing is how one can talk about the development of a team when he fails to foresee and ensure the development of his own team.

Talk about tone deaf.

work work

I was so not looking forward to today because it was going to be so busy.

But when I went to rehearsal and everyone was insanely overly appreciative of my little work, the fever didn't seem so bad (note this was the point when the panadol probably kicked in)

And when I heard Sha sing "Back Home" after I had finished teaching her the new songs, and I felt her emotion in the song, I felt everything that I wanted to portray in the song but couldn't feel at the time. Its a magical feeling every time a singer manages to feel the melody and lyrics to your song and sings it out.

I'm loving my job more and more each day.

Was talking to a taxi driver on the way to training in the evening. He brought up the subject of working in Singapore. Of the stress, demands, but on thing he couldn't take was having to suck up to the boss.

Perhaps for some people it goes too much against their pride. Smarter people will know to play the fool to catch one. And smoke office politics to their advantage. I'm lucky to be able to not give too much of a shit about that, because a composer has a right to be emotionally engaged in his work. Though I try my best to conform to the team of directors at times, I think that I can be quite demanding.

Sometimes Ruby complains when I'm too adamant about some things in the score, but in the end they see the reason for it, like today when the cast came back with such awesome choreo to one of the scenes. She's slowly trusting my lead, I just hope that I don't lead us all into a ditch.

mail bomb

I'm usually at home, so I can cull my emails often. Just being out for the most of today left me swarmed emails...

Some:

Hey… how are you doing? I am very interested in your work and would like to know if you have any time to really teach me the basics of character creation, like what software applications are the best to use, coding concepts, etc. I am a big fan of your work and would like to create characters of the same caliber. I figured you would be a great mentor and source of contact. I know that you have a life outside of mugen and I wouldn’t want to waste any of your time. I just thought I would ask. Nothing beats a failure but a try.

Also, I would like to know how your progress is on the other 2 characters that you are creating. I’m very excited about the concepts for both of them. Will there be any teaser trailers like you did with dragon claw?

Clifton R. Manning


oops, forgot Kingtire and Aiduzzi lol

but yea, will do

thx ^_^

your creations = the very reason MUGEN is still around. It laid the foundation of pimpness for others to follow >:)

On 9/10/07, Reu Kee wrote: Sure dude,

Just credit me Kingtigre and Aiduzzi for the sprites, will ya?

All the best for your project,

- Reu

----- Original Message -----
From: "Dani Sofjan"
To
Subject: Permission from aZCal
Date: Sun, 9 Sep 2007 23:57:24 -0500

I finally found a way to contact you.

This is aZcal, creator of Sabaki Ryuuken.

In my release, a series of sprites I ripped from your Evil Ryu are included

I'm asking permission for the green light. If not, I shall take them off with the next update.

~please reply

lol wow thanks! Im actually suprised you responded Reu. Very cool of you. Ok ill go with that. Im familiar a bit on what you mentioned. Thanks a lot!

PS

Good luck with that Cyber ninja

and Metroid Samus too. seen and heard about that.

Reu Keewrote:

Hey Ivan,

Use a helper for the shield. Helpers can take on about everything like the player can, sctrls and hitdefs, reverersals and nothitbys, so that would be where you should be looking. For referencing you need to look inside the mugen docs folder, sctrls, triggers and exps, refer to these everyday.

- Reu

----- Original Message -----
From: "ivan scott"
To:
Subject: Just asking for a little help on a creation matter.
Date: Sun, 9 Sep 2007 15:21:33 -0700 (PDT)

Hello. Sorry to bother you but im in the process of creating my first fighter from scratch.
Its a Demon Terry CVS type im doing. I have most of the basic moves in and i have the idea of the creating
Basics down packed a bit. Ive added in certain special effects.

My only issue is im trying to add this Shield effect as a Special move to em but,
I dont know how to add it on properly. I pulled off the part on Projectiles but that
shield issue im stuck on.

The shield effect is from @ndrode's Mech rugal. A Win pose he does a Shield pops up around em. well im making that
Terry's Shield effect. Is this even possible? Kinda like how your evil ryu's invisable shield works hitting a person while hes walking towards them.

here are the images

(shield motion im using. i already put it in. but not coded)

(thats the effect. also added in and not coded.)

In short im Using Fighter Factory. I seen a Helper option there but i dont know
how to use that. tried to find videos but i couldnt find any. so i tried projectile
and obviously it shot the image forward....

Anyway,
i made his hands out like a DBZ fighter to be different.
and im gonna use Rugals Repel sound effect for it too.

please hit me back when you get a chance. I really want to pull him off.

Thank you

Trying to mentor new programmers can be quite tedious at times, but when they are so polite, it makes it better.

:(

Battle Stations server is down.

I'm so sad. So damn sad.

And I have a sore throat again.

And I have a fever again.

And tomorrow is going to be my busiest day of this week.

-Drop by Safsa training
-Rush down to changi for rehearsal
-Rush down to cairnhill to teach
-Rush back to kallang for training


Downing panadol before bed. Let there be a miracle tonight.

Introducing Dragon Boating

Myth: Dragon Boating is a team sport.

Fact: It is an individual sport, the participants just happen to be forced to row together.

Design a dragon boat that will break apart and let the rowers split up, and most of them will. Some will move ahead, some will slack behind, some poor guys will get stuck in the middle.

In basketball, you have to depend on your team mates to assist you to attack by passing or blocking out opponents. In volleyball you have to depend on your teammates to cover areas that are out of your range.

In a dragon boat, all you can do is.... shout.

Contribution to the team in pulling harder is better off motivated by other factors than actually doing it for the team anyway.

Such is the tragedy of dragon boating.

Woe is us.

battle stations

Just got a sweet top from adidas among some other things while shopping with Hong today.

Pretty impressive how they managed to combine several synthetic polymerized materials like that. The result is very futuristic and sleek. Quite possibly the future of clothing because it dries ridiculously fast, doesn't need to be ironed, yet due to the uneven tension in material elasticity, limiting conformation around the human body produces some very aesthetically pleasing designs.

The price sucks though... 4-5 times the price of similar classed tops by other leading sports brands.

I've spent over 5 hours on facebook today thanks to the new battle stations game. It really is quite addictive. Shit. As if facebook alone wasn't bad enough already. Proud to say the guys at Tyler are responsible for it, and am proud to be part of the team, even if not for this project XD. TY WHY IS THERE NO MUSIC FOR THE GAME?!

Anyway its like the first flash game for facebook. The graphics rocks, the gameplay rocks, its almost as good as dota.

THE GAUNTLET

all shall be as children, will be, as children, once more. says:
not bad what.
Reu says:
yeah!
Reu says:
its awesome
Reu says:
the design
Reu says:
but its godamn shortsleeved
Reu says:
so that sux
all shall be as children, will be, as children, once more. says:
lol
all shall be as children, will be, as children, once more. says:
what's the problem with shortsleeve
all shall be as children, will be, as children, once more. says:
you can wear
all shall be as children, will be, as children, once more. says:
gauntlets
all shall be as children, will be, as children, once more. says:
hahahahaa



Actually.... if there are nice neoprene gauntlets they may not be so bad.

Then again maybe not.

End of the week

Mom finds it shocking that I didn't know which country they ran off to for the past week.

Seriously, they run out of the country like 99 times a year how am I supposed to keep track of where they go?

Just looking forward to a good rest tonight. The past few nights of senselessly inconsequential activities don't seem to add up positively at all.


Okay I lack sleep from the past few nights, and am on the verge of turning back to the dark side because of that.

As a result I have rant.

Sometimes I look at other people, to see if what they do every day is directly related to their career or goals. Of course not everything can contribute directly, you gotta sit back and just take your moment in, sometimes by yourself, sometimes with friends.

There are also things that contribute negatively to your state or value of life. People who live in the moment too much probably fail to see this.

I'm sure that cigarette will make you look cooler in years to come, or make you look smart in front of you friends who actually know shit. Or that statement on your body that will make you look like a true gentleman, after all, everyone wants to be a punk or look hip for the rest of their lives. Speeding on the roads will increase your chances of finding gold. And putting yourself in more dangerous situations like riding a motorbike just for the thrill or to look good will raise your intelligence.

The most fun things in life defy logic,
but they don't necessarily have to be so godamn stupid, do they?


Worse part is when stupid people influence my friends who don't know any better yet.

I really want to thousand hand slap such people.

Short sighted

Back in school I always blamed everything.

Why do we never have enough rowers to go for race with?

Why do the many who join, end up leaving?

Why do my team mates lack drive for the sport?

Why do they not want to achieve more?

Why the stupid school doesn't make ccas compulsory?

Why is the mentality of polytechnic students so screwed up?

Why does the coach scare rowers away when we need them most?

Why does he not encourage us?




If the school made ccas compulsory we would have more rowers.


If training worked toward the purpose of developing a love for the sport, they would stay for passion.

If they had a passion for it and loved it, they would not leave.

If they row for long enough, they will want to expect more of themselves in competitions.

If we set a high standard in training and competitions, the juniors will feel a sense of pride and work to uphold it.

If the coach made it a point to know each of us, talk to us more, encourage us more, more would have stayed.


I looked at stronger teams like njc, ntu, nus, and I felt resent.

Conditions all made easy for them.

A history of strong teams and good record, those looking to join will know what they are getting into.

Strong encouragement to join clubs to either stay in hall or just meet requirement.

When these two factors are present, its easier to attract those who would work hard for the sport.

When those who work hard in training are present, others around them will work hard also due to the law of reciprocity.



I didn't resent the teams. I respected them so much, but I resented their circumstance, like a jealous child looking at his sibling get more attention.


But once you are so godamn fed up blaming everything else, you look at how you can change things.

Reconstruction, from the base up. If situations weren't right, I would change them, or work around them.

Those who seem to stay and fight in the most adverse situations seem to get all the attention, when it is in fact those who work behind the scenes to try and make the situations better that make the difference.

Because those who persevere will never progress any further than the equation allows.

Until someone changes the variables for them.

I feel sad whenever they talk badly about him.

About him leaving, about him giving up.

When it is them who never saw things as he did.

Never saw all the wheels he set into motion for us.

Now even when things are improving yet seem bad, people complain.

They blame everyone else. They blame coach, they blame him.





It never was his fault,

It was mine.

I couldn't get ready fast enough. I was narrow sighted and set my eyes only on the simulation I was running at the time.

Just as the one I placed so much hope on let me down, I let him down. That's why I can never blame him. I'm no better.




Everything takes time. The biggest changes need the most time. I don't intend to fail again.

If success came easy, anyone could make it. If everyone was as lucky, they would make it.

Conditions all made easy for the other sports, for the other countries.

Not forever.

When more and more people give up, I know that I must go on. Because everything in the world will tell you that you cannot get what you want, or do what you love, and everyone will agree.

Finding that solution to problems that so very few have dared or persevered on to achieve. Perhaps that is a form of giving life meaning.

If living life means living each day bound by rules and set conventions, I'd rather not live it.

Ironically it is coming so close to losing that life that wakes you up and realize just how much power each of us has.





If you want to take the easy way out, you take it for life.

But everyone is short-sighted, aren't they?




Everyone around me told me I sucked.

That I suck playing the piano.

That I should stop wasting time on games.

That you can't make a living doing something that you truly love.

That such things are for hobbies alone or side jobs.


But if they only knew, of how much I have done in so little time. And how much more I will become in the very near future.

That's why they will never get what I have. Feel what I feel. Even when I have lost so much.

Oh shi-!

Last night, amidst all the chaos and drunkenness I heard a melody that was so moving.

But I forgot to record it down and now it is lost forever.

Aughhhhhh

Well, at least until it surfaces from the inner recesses of my mind again.

Stupid people.

A couple of nights ago I went for a run around the neighborhood at around midnight.

There was a black car parked diagonally toward the sidewalk along one of the streets that I was passing by. Three guys happened to be standing around that car smoking.

When I was about to pass the car, they got in and got ready to drive off.

Didn't think much about it until about 100 metres down the road, that same black car revved up and came to a stop about 25 meters in front of me. The three guys got out of the car and started walking towards me.

The one in front shouted a loud "oi", as they walked toward me swinging their arms outward in full ego.


I despise people who try to belittle other people just to amuse themselves. Even more despicable was the manner of which they slyly smiled and try to squeeze their way out of the situation when they realized that they had made a grave miscalculation in trying to interrupt my run for such a preposterous reason.

Why do such people still even exist?

If I were the me of several years ago, I would have gladly handed all three of them something that they deserved.

But I'm through with that ever-widening cycle.







Nothing good can come from something bad.

Dream on

Over the past few days I've had the opportunity to meet two very successful millionaires. Both were kind enough to give an insight into their life, work and achievements.

The first took the track of studying, then going out to work in a company, eventually making his way up until he can afford two villas. He shared how the high flyer life looked good from the outside, like flying overseas just for a lunch appointment, then back home the next day. The typical singaporean's ideal "dream". So to speak. But he also said that although it may seem like an impressive way to live, he didn't like it. In the slots of free time that he has, he is left trying to find meaningful things to do. Perhaps the most common realization I have noticed from such people is that they do not find their life fulfilling. Which is odd, isn't it? This is the track that most people want, that most people would kill for.

The second was studying, then he came to the realization that that may not be such a good idea, so he went back to the core of his interest and pursued that. He shared of how difficult it was, how scary it was, even having to sell his blood to chemical testing companies to be able to meet the payroll of his contracted employees. He said that he always dreamed of making a game that would sell millions of copies. Yet when that day came, he was in the office alone, looking at that piece of plastic saying "this shit is what I almost died for?'. But despite that, every day he looks forward to work. He loves his work, and despite meeting his lifelong goal already, he loves his work more and more.


Today I had the pleasure of representing Tyler projects for a games development masterclass with speakers from the top developers/publishers in the field organized by the IDA singapore. The amount of money that the goverment is trying to pump into this field is really quite overwhelming. Even institutions like SMU which currently house our office provided funding to help kick start the company.

But despite all this, its still very difficult to succeed.

I must say that even with all the encouragement, funding, courses to try and teach people how to be entrepreneurs and mentoring from large industries provide, I cannot see the real crux of the matter being taught.

Its not as easy nowadays as last time. Despite the majority of mindless Singaporeans going through the education system without questions, feeding off supplied purposes in life, there are a growing number who crave for more. These people want to start something new, they want to find meaning in their work, but they do not know why.

They can learn how, of course, with all the help the government is providing, but I wonder if they will ever find the answer to 'why' they should do it.

Perhaps the "why" is the one thing that they should be teaching. Maybe they don't teach it because it comes in such a painful way. I know mine was.

I wonder how Tianyang found his. There's alot of know-how behind the running of Tyler, but I can also feel a genuine desire somewhere.


2 years to be the leader in my niche market. Thats the first short term goal to that big dream. But I now know that that the end of the dream is not what I'm looking for.

But the dream itself.

Saturday night fever!

Yeap. fever. sucks.