Thursday, August 9, 2007

Happy Birthday Singapore

National day training today. So fun..... woohoo..... Actually it was ok la. I'm starting to think that if it does work out for us, quite a few of us may actually die.

Sad to see so little understanding in the team. As senior members shouldn't they guide and mentor instead of point out? Then again its better that they are straight-forward I guess... tho with the wrong people.

What is a team? I guess they seem to think that its only a bunch of individuals getting together to do something and it ends there.

The reason why I made it a point to focus on one and only one team when it mattered, is because of this. Yet this is something that I had forgotten during army days.

I guess I was a lot wiser and sharper back in school.

Understanding, patience, compromise for the sake of your team mates, sacrifice for your team mates, not for yourself; these are all things required for each member to give. But they will not come in the first place if you don't want to love your team, or you have another team that you are attached to.

This sport is about supporting each other, not out running each other, out lifting each other or even out rowing each other. Not about trying to look point out your team mate's flaws or making them look worse. Sacrifice for yourself is selfish and self-serving. Sacrifice for others is actually worth a shit.

This is why I had to think so long about rejoining this team. People think that there's prestige or pride involved. I see none yet. You don't even get it standing on the podium or on stage. Its about realizing that you have sacrificed so much for the people in that team, and they have done the same for you. I see only sacrifice, both in time, money and injuries.

The ironic thing is that as sportsmen, theoretically they will never grasp this concept. Because the sportsman thrives on a certain amount of mental immaturity, inferiority complex to motivate him, to bite on his ego to keep him going. Someone thinking of all these things, of himself, will never think of others.

Why I continue in this sport, I don't know. There are too few people who share my view.

Why did I bother being so insistent on rowing on my weaker side, aggravating my injury? Because if we do make it, we'll need the best rowers, and if I row right, that means that one of the best will not be rowing. Yes, the left side have more in number, but they are also less experienced.

Why bother putting myself in a more dangerous situation? Quite apparently my wrist got worse and worse for the time trial because rowing a boat alone aggravates the strain. If I had just continued to row on the right side and keep it at its peak I would have avoided worsening it and had a higher chance of qualifying. Maybe none of them will be able understand. All they can accomplish is think of stories that will make me either look like a show-off or look like I'm trying to take someone's place.

I tire of such people. As much as I want them to mature mentally, emotionally, it is ultimately up to them.

Don't they see that they think that the people who have done wrong are damaging the team, when they themselves are damaging it the most?

Is it really worth it?

Watched the parade on tv and live from a suite on the top floor of Raffles The Plaza. First time I saw the fireworks at eye level, not needing to look up. All the alcohol you can drink, though I didn't drink any of it.

It was so sad, listening to the music one last time, remembering all the times we rowed past and they were rehearsing, the lighting, the music, the sounds. Tonight it was the biggest night, as if it wanted to bloom one last time before dying.

The wheels are already in motion, just a few more years till that music playing will be mine.

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