Thursday, September 6, 2007

Short sighted

Back in school I always blamed everything.

Why do we never have enough rowers to go for race with?

Why do the many who join, end up leaving?

Why do my team mates lack drive for the sport?

Why do they not want to achieve more?

Why the stupid school doesn't make ccas compulsory?

Why is the mentality of polytechnic students so screwed up?

Why does the coach scare rowers away when we need them most?

Why does he not encourage us?

If the school made ccas compulsory we would have more rowers.

If training worked toward the purpose of developing a love for the sport, they would stay for passion.

If they had a passion for it and loved it, they would not leave.

If they row for long enough, they will want to expect more of themselves in competitions.

If we set a high standard in training and competitions, the juniors will feel a sense of pride and work to uphold it.

If the coach made it a point to know each of us, talk to us more, encourage us more, more would have stayed.

I looked at stronger teams like njc, ntu, nus, and I felt resent.

Conditions all made easy for them.

A history of strong teams and good record, those looking to join will know what they are getting into.

Strong encouragement to join clubs to either stay in hall or just meet requirement.

When these two factors are present, its easier to attract those who would work hard for the sport.

When those who work hard in training are present, others around them will work hard also due to the law of reciprocity.

I didn't resent the teams. I respected them so much, but I resented their circumstance, like a jealous child looking at his sibling get more attention.

But once you are so godamn fed up blaming everything else, you look at how you can change things.

Reconstruction, from the base up. If situations weren't right, I would change them, or work around them.

Those who seem to stay and fight in the most adverse situations seem to get all the attention, when it is in fact those who work behind the scenes to try and make the situations better that make the difference.

Because those who persevere will never progress any further than the equation allows.

Until someone changes the variables for them.

I feel sad whenever they talk badly about him.

About him leaving, about him giving up.

When it is them who never saw things as he did.

Never saw all the wheels he set into motion for us.

Now even when things are improving yet seem bad, people complain.

They blame everyone else. They blame coach, they blame him.

It never was his fault,

It was mine.

I couldn't get ready fast enough. I was narrow sighted and set my eyes only on the simulation I was running at the time.

Just as the one I placed so much hope on let me down, I let him down. That's why I can never blame him. I'm no better.

Everything takes time. The biggest changes need the most time. I don't intend to fail again.

If success came easy, anyone could make it. If everyone was as lucky, they would make it.

Conditions all made easy for the other sports, for the other countries.

Not forever.

When more and more people give up, I know that I must go on. Because everything in the world will tell you that you cannot get what you want, or do what you love, and everyone will agree.

Finding that solution to problems that so very few have dared or persevered on to achieve. Perhaps that is a form of giving life meaning.

If living life means living each day bound by rules and set conventions, I'd rather not live it.

Ironically it is coming so close to losing that life that wakes you up and realize just how much power each of us has.

If you want to take the easy way out, you take it for life.

But everyone is short-sighted, aren't they?

Everyone around me told me I sucked.

That I suck playing the piano.

That I should stop wasting time on games.

That you can't make a living doing something that you truly love.

That such things are for hobbies alone or side jobs.

But if they only knew, of how much I have done in so little time. And how much more I will become in the very near future.

That's why they will never get what I have. Feel what I feel. Even when I have lost so much.

1 comment:

LyU said...

hey. couldn't comment on this earlier as i was in thailand for the swanboat race.

but anyways, yeah. i guess most people are short-sighted. but it is because they are not u, they have not experienced what u've experienced, they don't think and feel the way u do, which is why they won't be able to understand how much something means to u, when it actually means nothing much to them.

it happens to me. some will just tell me that i'm wasting my time. and when i tell them that i'm not gonna do something coz i wanna focus on trainings, they'll be like: "u're really serious about training ah?" then i'll be like: "wat's wrong with training?"

that's the difference between people of different leagues. they just won't get it. sad, but true.

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