Tuesday, September 18, 2007

vs reu


This is the first entry on my phone. Just finished exporting tracks for transfer to the studio where we'll be recording in 20 minutes time. After which i'll be rushing down to training.

I had a dream last night. Many times my subconscious has a way of talking down to myself in my dreams. Through all that happened in it the message was clear. I wish i was wrong about the interpretation, but i psycho-analyze myself too well and as much as i don't agree with that side of me, he's often right.

Could it have been a miscalculation on my part? Did i overestimate them? Nothing is forever. But do they really think they can find this elsewhere? I just smiled at those who left the team and talk shit about it. I know they never really got it. I just feel sorry for them because they never did. But the one thing that part of me was right about was that i never did enjoy playing a long game twice. Nevertheless now is the most crucial period. Now is when those who can still stand strong must do so for those who cannot. I don't want him to be right.


Well its 930pm now, finally finished recording and am finally going home. Really went overtime tonight but we had to get those songs recorded by tonight. It really really sucks that I had to mis training because of this but studio time costs money, getting singers costs money and deadlines are poking us in the ass.

Sometimes its stressful trying to set deadlines while maintaining a constant state of relaxation for the music to come to me. Sometimes i over do it and end up sleeping or watching one more episode of anime wasting valuable time.

I want to play heavenly sword on my ps3 but i just know it will be so hard to pull myself away from it. The stress i face in work is some kind of complicated complacent stress, not the in-your-face kind of stress.

Nowadays when I tell people of what I do, and the projects that I'm working on and clients I'm working with they stare at me in disbelief. Just telling people that you are a music composer will raise people's eyebrows.

Questions like "how did you start?" "can make enough?" "how do you find clients?" or "how do people find you?" come up. I wonder if these are the questions they ask themselves and end up being the reason why they never try to pursue their dream job - because they can not find the right solution to the most critical things.

Approach to life are the same in the most critical and fundamental aspects though they appear to be deceivingly different. There are no double standards, no exceptions. Your approach to studies, to army life, to sports, to work are all related. If you can't find the solutions and are caught in the web of convention in one of these, don't expect to break out of it.

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